Monday 6 December 2010

feeling a pinch of TT_TT.

1 year. Just when the worries and memories are wrapping up, the stress monster rears up and takes an ugly shit on you. So much for that

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Richard Song says:

all relating to the 1 year though.
so first of all....making the roses...
most of this you already know:
- none of the relatives had any nice words for me
- lack of sleep from making them...
- worry that white roses signified death
worry that i had nothing to mount the roses on
worry that i would run out of glue gun sticks
worry that the flowers weren't dry
worry of a misalignment in the grid system of the heart
worry of all the assignments that im doing bad on
worry that i wouldn';t finish before today
worry of how/when to present the roses
worry that she wouldn't like it.
worry of how to get it to school.
now, that's just from making the flowers.
next, presenting them.
- worry that she wouldnt like them (again)
- worry that i would crush the two flowers i had in my pocket
worry that the flowers wouldnt fit in the box i had made
worry that she would see the flowers before i was ready to give it to her
after school:
-the shock of realizing she had choir
worry of the time constraint set by my mom.
getting scolded over the phone
worry about alan's ride home.
worrying about his saxophone.
worrying about not being able to reach my mom about how alan was going home with justin
worry about my mom had arrived.
worry about how cammy had said joanne said i was inconsiderate.
worry about how the lock broke from our locker
worry about transferring the stuff to peters locker
worry about not crushing joanne's present.
worry abotu how my mom won;t be able to wait
getting yelled at by mom again.
worry about how the glue gun will crack off in the cold
worry about how to present it to her
worry abotu when to present it to her
worry about snow getting in the car.
worry about snow getting in my shoes
worry about how to explain it to her
*her meaning joanne
worry about making sure jason didnt open the present for joanne.
and presentation finished.
now, about the date we had on sunday.
worry about how my parents had arrived at work to pick me up
them yelling at me.
worry about how to get to the mall
worry abotu which mall to get to.
leaving my coat in my work.
^because theres an alarm at work, and i havent turned it off before
standing outside, hoping that i can sort of "show off" my work, cuz its not just any old mcd's
worrying if her dad'll know how to get to my work
worry if her dad's plotting anything.
worry about english essay
worry that i dont have enough money
worry about how she wanted to watch a movie
joanne reprimanding me for not bringing my phone to work
starting to become drowsy from lack of sleep, while at a mall.
worry about getting picked up on time
worry about her dads invitation for dinner
worry about getting shoes
worry about getting shoes in 5 minutes
the realization taht my decision making model had been fundamentally unsound
arguing with my parenst
worrying about the present
done  with the trip
joanne's present to me.
worry about how long it took for her
worry about how itd look on me
^that one breaks down into several subworries
inlcuding
my mom laughed at it for at least a minutes
*minute
i mean, i think it looks fine, but apparently others dont.
the worry that she had given me a presnet, but me not yet to her.
worry about how the fluffy stuffd get caught on my jacket
the constant address to the scarf that it's feminine.
done that.
next, the effects of the present.
the realization that my relatives reactions
were somewhat similar to the ones that joannes parents had
joanne's simple "amazedness"
joanne;s dad thinking that its too early for a relationship, yet him letting us go out on sunday
joanne's dad's "jealousy?"
the miscount of flowers
and then theres the miscellaneous section:
joanne saying that im not playing the trumpet properly
^that's actually more damaging than one would think, as it attacks the self-esteem already broken down by
the realization taht my decision making model was fundamentally unsound. that basically tipped me, i guess.
- general worries of chinese school and work
forgetting that we had to do a lab today
forgetting we had to prepare mat'l for lab
worry that i didnt have a group
getting smashed on the head with the basketball cart thing
and general academic worries over the weekend.
hows taht for two days.

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